When women earn more than men: Sentiments vs strategy

…How ego, emotion, and old scripts sabotage wealth and partnership in African homes!

Years ago, a female client asked me to include her husband’s name on a property title even though she had paid for it in full. When I asked why, she smiled and said quietly, “That’s how we’ve always done it.”

Meanwhile, her husband had just registered another property, in his own name and his brother’s.

That story still moves me, not because of the paperwork, but because of what it revealed about how women often make decisions about money and ownership.

Too many women confuse sentiment for strategy.

They mistake loyalty for legacy.

This may sound unbelievable until you realise how often it repeats itself, from women who start businesses and assign majority shares to their spouses “for peace” to those who stay silent as their names are erased from documents.

At the time, it feels like love or unity or trust. But when the business grows beyond expectation, or the marriage faces storms, that same decision becomes a lifelong loss.

You end up wrestling for what you built or walking away from it for peace’s sake.

It’s not just a legal issue. It’s a leadership one.

And it’s costing women not only money, but also power, agency, and legacy.

The unspoken tension in African homes

Across Africa, more women are earning more than ever before — leading businesses, heading corporate divisions, and outpacing men in industries once dominated by them.

But quietly, many are fighting an invisible battle at home — especially when their success outpaces their partner’s.

One woman told me she hides her true income from her husband. She earns multiple times his salary but downplays her achievements to keep the peace. She deposits only part of her pay into their joint account and quietly manages her investments on the side.

Her reason was simple: “I don’t want him to feel less of a man.”

She is not alone. From Nigeria to Kenya, and South Africa to Rwanda, many women who out-earn their partners find themselves in a silent tug-of-war, not with money, but with ego, culture, and expectation.

Success becomes something to manage rather than embrace. And in the process, both families and economies lose.

Read also:Redefining Leadership: Lessons from young women who dare

The threat of fragile egos

Why does a woman’s success still feel like a threat instead of an asset?

Culturally, men have been raised to see themselves as providers, while women are conditioned to be modest about their financial wins.

Religious interpretations often reinforce the idea that male headship equals sole financial authority. And fragile egos mean that some men feel diminished instead of inspired when their wives earn more.

Even men who earn more sometimes undermine their partners’ financial independence to stay in control.

The result is predictable. Many women hide, shrink, or decline opportunities that could transform their families’ future.

Entire households lose the benefit of her full capacity while society continues to reward restraint instead of results.

The cost of shrinking

When women play small, everyone pays:

• Wealth creation slows down. Families miss out on investments that could multiply over time.

• Generational progress is delayed. Children learn distorted lessons about money, power, and gender roles.

• National growth suffers. Imagine the economic impact if every African woman brought her full earning power to the table without fear or guilt.

This is not a domestic issue. It’s an economic one.

Studies across emerging markets confirm what women already know: higher earnings don’t always lead to higher decision-making power.

Even among senior executives, many women negotiate cautiously or avoid visibility to prevent domestic or cultural backlash.

That’s not weakness; it’s conditioning — the kind that limits everyone’s potential.

From sentiment to strategy

Sentiment says, “Keep the peace.”

Strategy says, “Secure the future.”

The most financially empowered women I know are not loud; they are structured. They separate emotion from ownership. They make decisions guided by clarity, not guilt.

They register assets in their names or set up appropriate vehicles to hold those assets with clearly defined ownership and governance guidelines.

They create family constitutions that outline how wealth is earned, managed, and transferred.

They seek legal and financial advice before emotion clouds judgement.

And they mentor other women to do the same, because when wisdom goes unshared, progress is delayed for all, which is one of the philosophies behind Radiant Collective Capital, helping women design wealth through clarity, structure, and courage.

These women are not cold or calculating. They are courageous.

They understand that protection is not a lack of trust. It is foresight.

The new wealth script

Every time the topic of women earning more arises, someone inevitably says, “But she must stay humble.”

It’s time to retire that script.

African women don’t need another lecture on humility — they’ve mastered it for centuries.

Most already know that wisdom is essential in any partnership.

What’s needed now is strategy, structure, and self-assurance to build wealth and manage success without apology.

When women earn more, families should not collapse under the weight of ego. They should rise on the strength of partnership.

A woman’s income is not a threat to her marriage. It is a multiplier for her family, her community, and her nation.

The question is not what happens when women earn more.

The real question is: what happens when women start building differently, with clarity, confidence, and strategy?

Because in the end, the strongest homes and the wealthiest nations are not built on fragile egos or emotional decisions.

They are built on shared vision, mutual respect, and sound structure.

Udo Maryanne Okonjo: Chairwoman, Fine & Country West Africa & Radiant Collective Capital; Women, Wealth & Power: Challenging Norms. Creating Wealth. Changing Futures.